Cookies Are Turning Into A Monster, Eating Us Alive

You heard me. Cookies are "Turning into a monster, and eating us alive!"

This is fourth in the muffin saga.
This is continued from Muffin Math.

"All this growing up... lately I feel like I've had enough..." I am completely contradicting the quote I just wrote (which is also a link). I just can't get enough---no pun intended---of this ongoing muffin/donut drama.

Well guess what? Baby, there's a shark in the water!

I meant to post this earlier this week, I really did. But see, I had band practice on Sunday and I'm not even supposed to have computer access on that day. I'm working hard on this "Unspoken" book I've been slacking on since District Fine Arts in April so that took up Monday. I'm making this dress (yes, making my own dress and it's lime green--- so excited) and my 4-H leader was helping me all day yesterday, so that leaves me with Wednesday... as usual.

I'm easy like Sunday morning.
Oh, Sundays... I love them like I love being a Christian. Why? Because of Jesus! Because of church! Yes, I've gone through the motions of not wanting to go to church (I mean, let's speak honestly. Who here REALLY wants to get up at 7 a.m. on the weekend?), but there's something about church that I love. I don't know what it is.

So, one con about Sunday church is I have to rush downstairs to get my sparkly muffin. It's not sparkly, it's sprinkled, but I like to pretend it's glitter. Glitter is my favorite word. All that GLITTERS!!

ANYWAY! Ugh, can't a girl ever stay on the task? So, it was Sunday and I rushed for my muffin when I saw that there was more than just muffins.

Forget Cookie Monster... Cookies are a monster!
Turns out, the congregation has more options now. There were cookies on the table! You heard me! COOKIES! The average person eats 32,000 cookies in their lifetime. And people wonder why most everyone has a muffin top that's probably not caused by muffins.

The operative (me) spotted oatmeal raisin cookies. I really don't like those... I won't eat them unless I'm half starved to death or there's no other options. I heard that before I got there, there were chocolate chip cookies, too. That makes me happy.

In case this makes me sound anti-cookie, let me assure you that I LOVE cookies, but not in addition to muffins. If people already consume thousands of cookies, they don't need more. I don't know if that was a one-week thing or not, but I don't like it.

So, does that make this the cookie saga?

Muffin Math.

I thought I had reached the bottom of this muffin thing at church, but I guess... I was wrong.

This is third in the muffin saga.
This is continued from It's a Conspiracy.

It turns out, the muffin drama just gets more interesting everyday, to the point where there is no conclusion to the juicy muffin gossip that I can't resist blogging about!
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"The story starts when it was hot and it was summer and..."
Well, it was pretty warm out and I felt great. Summer had just unofficially begun, and I was at a friend's house for LifeGroups to go swimming. I had completely ditched the Youth LifeGroup to go to this, and it was fun!

I went inside the house before getting in the water to swim so that I could get something to eat. But anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. So, I went inside to get some food and the adults had started talking. One of the adults (don't remember which one) had begun talking about this particular muffin problem that turned into a full conversation.

I didn't stay for long, but he said: "Muffins are just as unhealthy as donuts! I bet two muffins equal one donut".

They all began laughing. Did I believe him??? NO! Muffins are tiny. But, would you believe me if I said he was actually (almost) right?

"Why can't I even figure it out???"
In Sunday School yesterday, one of the teachers, Britney (she's the one that inspired this series of muffin posts because she's very interested in this thing too), said that the church has been receiving muffin complaints lately, so Christal M. (the person who normally gets the church's donuts and now muffins) looked up the difference between muffins and donuts.

Let's do the classic muffin math:

           3 muffins
       +  Orange juice
________________
1 donut with coffee.

"[Three] muffins equal one donut", Britney quoted. Isn't that amazing? The haters are right--- we might as well be eating Krispy Creme.

Wanna know what I think???
I would like to see the church stop serving breakfast food altogether. When they were serving donuts, people were complaining that they were stale. Now that they're serving muffins, people are complaining that they aren't any healthier and they aren't as much of a treat as donuts were. So what do I think? I think that if people won't be grateful about what the church is serving, I'd like to see nothing on the breakfast tables. Show the people that if they're gonna constantly complain, <3 that's what you get <3.

"Sometimes we live for no one but ourselves."

-Relient K, Forgiven

It's A Conspiracy...

Sorry, it's just this video is HILARIOUS... Maria showed it to me, and I tried to explain this video to Kayla, but I started crying just by laughing so hard to where she's gonna have to watch it herself. You gotta admit, that's some legitimately good stuff. Crazy.
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Sorry about that, um, distraction. Now, here's the conspiracy. (Inspired by my Sunday School teacher, Britney!)

This is a sequel to What's With The Muffins?

So, I asked a few people what they think about this muffin thing, and here is the end result. I said I'd get to the bottom of this, and I did, once and for all!
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So, it turns out that the sudden muffins in exchange for donuts is supposed to be healthier. So, do the math.

     Muffin w/ Orange juice
--- Donut w/ Coffee
_____________________
Healthier alternative.

Okay, so it's supposed to be "a healthier alternative", huh? Well, what about we the people? Yes, I'm on the muffin side, but they should have had the congregation vote or something.

Sources (me) say that there is a trend here--- most of the guys except for a few would rather have a donut and most of the girls except for a few would rather have a muffin.

And we the people are speaking out. (Click "read more" to see opinions and more answers!)

What's With The Muffins? (What's Behind Those Mysterious Muffins?)

Today, (ahem, tomorrow) I am on Muffin Watch.

Our church has a tradition of serving donuts during Sunday School hours. I got pretty sick of it, if you want my opinion, because after eight years, the last thing you want to eat is a Krispy Creme donut. Trust me.

I'm an anti-donut-ist.... let's take it from the top.
The story starts when it was windy and it was Mothers' Day of 2011. I was at church an hour early because my lovely mother works there and she was helping out with the Mothers' Day portraits my church was doing for people out of kindness. So, (this will be random) my mom had this extravagant, beautiful, WONDERFUL idea--- "We're taking Mothers' Day photos!" You can't really argue with that.... she is my mom, and it was Mothers Day.

Before and after the picture, I noticed that there were muffins across the street. My friend Baileigh brought one to me that was oh so yummy, and then I went and got my siblings some upon their requests.

It continued... it wouldn't stop.
I noticed that they had muffins the next week... and the next week... and THE NEXT WEEK.... something was fishy here. It was like they had completely abandoned their old, disgusting, fattening, donut ways. The snacks of the church were rejuvenated.

So, the question is, why do the muffins keep returning?????
Even my Sunday School teacher (Mrs) Brittany is wondering, and her dad is one of the pastors! Something is mysterious about this muffin situation, and I'm going to get to the bottom of this!!!