Monday, December 31, 2012

One More Night

"I cross my heart and I hope to die that I'll only stay with you one more night..."

No, there's no Maroon 5 fan here. But that is a song that I can't stop humming. It gets stuck in my head so easily... it's that one song I hate but can't stop dancing to.

Wow, what a great way to start a blog post. Already off-topic at 12:00 a.m. Maybe that's why. I should be going to bed soon, you know, after that manuscript I didn't finish, that Language Arts paper I never started, and yeah, that song I never finished writing. And all the Chinese I barely studied. And all the places I didn't go to. And all the workouts I didn't do. Such a long day.

So, there is only one night left of 2012. Thank God. I think it is safe to say that... well... I don't know about you, but as for me...

This was the stupidest year and a waste of 366 days. This was seriously my worst year... ever. And believe me, I've had some bad years. I mean, 2009... wow! And 1998 sucked because of the one main event that happened... just kidding, I love my life and it is wonderful. But this year I have met more annoying, dumb people than ever before. EVER before. And I was letting the idiots get to me... not that they were being mean to me personally, just that I was starting to want to cut their heads off and burn them at the stake and leave the remains for the vultures. But I'm not like that anymore, I talked some sense into myself. You're gonna meet people that you don't like, and you gotta cooperate with them. Maybe they'll figure out how stupid they are and suddenly become likable. Or you'll learn to like them. I don't know.

So, 2013 will be the year I do things right. I probably will also say this about 2014. And 2015. And 2016. And so on. But in the moment, it feels right to make a resolution that I probably will not live up to.

  1. Get better grades. I realized that I am one of those students who has to study two weeks in advance, non-stop, to get a good grade. So as you'd imagine I hate pop quizzes. I just about always fail them. So, in order to change that, I am going to study non-stop. I WILL get into National Honors Society and I WILL graduate in the top 75% of my class (there's like, fifty people) so I can get into the colleges of my choice and go on to collegiate cheerleading.
  2. Start sending work to publishers. This will be the year that I get crap done. I have to start sending work to people if I want to be published by senior year. I said to myself, if all else fails, publish a book. It will save my college applications (and so will my ability to write good essays). I need rejection time, because there is no good writer who hasn't gone through at least a year of rejection letters.
  3. Get out there. Guys, you realize that outside of school and church I really do nothing with my time. Sleeping is my hobby. I am also a night owl who has 32 minutes left of battery power at 1:01 a.m. So I will try to not be as tired everyday so I can be more involved in life. Social activities, sports, worship team, etc.

So, these are my top three things I am very likely not to do. How 'bout you?

谢谢 and 再见!

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Keep Calm And....

Okay, am I the only person who gets annoyed by these "Keep calm and carry on" things? I just think they're really stupid. But I felt like I had to say this:

Keep calm and watch Blimey Cow.

Before you ask what Blimey Cow is, let me tell you it is really the best show on the Internet. Really. Like, it's so good that I spent about five hours watching it in HD on YouTube yesterday. And it takes a lot to make me get on YouTube these days when I have Spotify, Facebook, iTunes, television, my own music to write... ain't nobody got time for that. But these people make me get on YouTube, every Monday. You wanna know why? Let me share with you some of my favorite videos and then I'll tell you who they are.

Aren't these videos so funny? They also have good points. The main thing I like is that these people are great influences for Christian teenagers and young adults. Most of my friends wait until Wednesday to watch Jenna Marbles. Yeah, you might not want to watch that. Not saying that I do, but I've seen some of her stuff and it is terrible. But these guys... totally family friendly and hilarious! And they have really good morals, as seen in this video:
Take THAT, world!

So anyways, who are these people? They are Josh, Jordan, Amy and Kelli Taylor! Jordan is a sophomore (or junior?)  in college who was homeschooled all the way through high school. I don't know about the rest of them, but I'm assuming they were, too. Josh is his older brother and Kelli is Josh's lovely wife! Yes, they are on my list of cutest couples.

Aren't they so cute? The Blimey Cow videos (I didn't embed these) "Ten Ways to Get a Girl/Right Guy to Like You" are said to be based on their friendship and marriage.

Now, about Jordan. Have you heard his guitar playing? He is sooooooooooo much better at it than I am, like seriously. I cannot play that well. I know A, Am, C, Cadd9, D, Dm, E, Em, F, G and that's it. I strum and can do simple picking. But nothing like what he does. Yeah, I am a singer-songwriter, but I am still kinda learning the art of music.

I'm gonna have to stop this post here because I am suposed to be editing my story to start sending to publishing houses... oops.

Need more Blimey Cow? Here's where you can get some (and not just on Messy Mondays!):

Blimey Cow website
Blimey Cow merchandise
Blimey Cow Twitter
Blimey Cow Tumblr
Kelli Taylor Blogspot (go follow her! She's got some good stuff!)

Thank you for all the work you put into Blimey Cow and I hope the show last for many, many more years!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012


Merry Christmas from the Ezell house!

No white Christmas in Ohio, y'all. I stopped wishing for those a long time ago. But, it was still great so far. THIS GIRL got a new guitar!!!! It's an acoustic-electric!

Be jealous! Haha, don't be. But isn't it pretty, my blue baby? She's hard to play because my parents didn't get me a lefty guitar >:(. But whatevs. I'm gonna give this guitar a try.

So, there's not really a use of the whole "don't forget what this holiday is about" talk because I think most of us have heard enough of that. Still, though. Linus has something to say to you.

Last year, I gave you guys a sad song, Christmas Lights. What should the sad song be this year? Should it be sad at all? Hmm...

I'm sorry. I had to do it. I grew up with this song. Now, two songs that aren't as gloomy...

"Do You Hear What I Hear?" by Abandon Kansas
"O Come O Come Emmanuel" by Deas Vail

Well, merry Christmas, everyone and weaves off to you!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Path of Time

Once upon a time I used to care
When we were everything to each other
When you were who I wanted to be.
Somewhere along the path of time we lost it
We were close to each other
When you were a friend to me.
At this time I don't even care and I want you to get out of my life.
Right now. Today.
I still love you, but leaving is what you need.
I do not know you, stranger. Leave. Now.
Why are you still here? I'm done with you. Leave.
Somewhere along the path of time we lost it
And now it's out of control.
I used to care and I don't anymore.
Why are you still here?

Everybody Lies

Everybody Lies

We do what we have to when we fall in love.
Say what we need to get out when it's not enough.
Whether it's to yourself
Or looking at someone else,

Everybody lies, lies, lies.
It's the only truth sometimes.
It doesn't matter if it's out there somewhere waiting for the world to find
Or buried deep inside.
Everybody lies.

Just being honest, we're playing for both sides.
It's easy to deceive but it's hard when the trust that's broken is mine.
For better or for worse.
For the happy, for the hurt.

Everybody lies, lies, lies.
It's the only truth sometimes.
It doesn't matter if it's out there somewhere waiting for the world to find
Or buried deep inside.
Everybody lies.

Everybody lives and everybody dies.
Oh, it doesn't matter if it's out there somewhere waiting for the world to find or buried deep inside,
Or buried deep inside...

Everybody lies.

Sometimes Be Romantic, Always Realistic.

"Life isn't always romantic. Sometimes, it's realistic."
-Ezra Fitzgerald (Pretty Little Liars)

Like I've mentioned many times before, I love to dream. I also love being logical. Not a good mix, I guess. But it can be.

Being a dreamer and thinking with logic contradicts itself easily. I mean, I believe I can fly, but that defies the laws of gravity. See how weird that is?

I love being a romantic. I dream about everything, especially love. But take a step back into reality. Sometimes, an issue arises when you have to realize that you can't sit around dreaming. Things happen, and you have to understand that life isn't always perfect, but it will never fail to be real.

If there's anything about freshman year that hasn't wasted my time, it's learning. Not about math (not even close), but about myself. I have discovered who I really am. For one, I've discovered that...


Do you love Disney? This blog is everything Disney!
Well, I strongly dislike MOST people, anyways. But that's not it.

But I've discovered that my so-called dreaming is ruining my reality, destroying it piece by piece. I expect something, I don't get it, I lecture myself in my mind about how stupid I was. Same cycle over and over.

"I go back and forth and then forth and then back and then round in circles..."
-Anthem Lights

You know, mind of mine, this is starting to get old. Does anyone else feel like me? I can't really describe how I feel. Right now, I feel like a toddler who just doesn't know how to communicate.

"There is so much pain, you know? And I don't know how to not notice it."
-Perks of Being a Wallflower (movie)

Sorry with all these quotes, but by now you should know I'm a little less than professional on this blog. This is the one place I can write and really be... me. Everything else is just a modified version of me and my art. Except for in my journal. But here, I can actually talk to someone, even if that someone happens to be 20 people. It's still someone, and not someone who's gonna try to talk to me about things I'd rather not. This blog runs like a mini version of my mind--- chaotic, off-topic, quirky. And I like that you can see that.

My Language Art and US History teachers would both be poking at my writing right now, thinking this is a horrible post. But this isn't for a grade, and this is me, unedited. No editors checking my work, no revisions. Straight from my mind, every typo, every grammatical error.

And you know, right now, at 11:48 p.m. ET is when I realize what this blog is about. It's about my life, and somehow trying to make sense of it and see if it relates to yours. My Life, and YOURS. It's about all my imperfections, because I know someone else feels the same--- someone has to. I know that I can touch someone with my life, with my thoughts, with my problems. Real life isn't edited, and that's exactly what this blog is. I used to delete my "angry posts," but you might have noticed I don't do that anymore. That rage I was feeling in the moment is nothing to be ashamed of, and might be able to help someone.

And right now, at 12:00 a.m. ET, I realize how much I have strayed away from the original topic. Yup, if this were a school paper, this girl would have an F. Not too surprised, though. I mean, I've pretty much given up on most of what school has to offer. I've tried my hardest and still colleges are gonna have a hard time accepting me. I don't know why school is so hard for me, I don't have any disabilities. I'm just not good at this.

I just forgot what I ate for dinner. Oh, right. Lasagna. Never mind. Carry on.

Back to the topic I left off on, since this post doesn't have a real structure going on. You know, I realized that I can't be good at everything and I gotta accept it. I don't have a 4.0. So... accept it. Some people are flaunty about their grades and make my Bs sound like Fs. So... stop hanging around them. How I over complicate things sometimes.

I am really sorry about how poorly-written this post is. I just really needed to say something. Because if I speak it either no one will hear or I won't have the courage to speak at all. Another thing I must talk about which draws us back in to the original topic...

Romantics. How cute we can be. Well, today I am just, you know, scrolling through Facebook and I see one of my favorite couples (a couple that I actually know in real life). I see a ring on the girl's finger and think to myself, "FINALLY!" I've known the groom-to-be since he was younger than I currently am. I listen to his music. And now he's tying the knot. I'm so proud of both of them. I adore couples like them and his parents, and I can't wait for that to be me, about to get married, "young and dumb and in love."

And that saddens me.

Right now, I'm not sure if that'll ever be me. I don't want to love anyone right now. I don't want to trust anyone right now. And I know I'm only a freshman and people tell me I have a lot of time, but it's hard not to be worried when everyone around you is changing and becoming their own person and you feel like you're falling behind.

I feel like I'm falling behind.

I mean, there have been so many guys I've thought I've loved to the point where I just don't wanna fall for anyone anymore. You may be thinking, "pssh, you're a fourteen-year-old girl. You don't like anyone? Not even One Direction? Don't you have hormones?"

Let me answer those questions. Yes, I do have hormones, but when I do like a guy, it's long term. I can like someone forever, I can love them forever. It's only when I'm hurt when that cycle has to end. When I know it's only hurting me. And no, I actually kinda hate One Direction.

So I guess I'm kinda thankful for being single. I can easily detach myself from something bad without a breakup. But I still feel alone kinda.

And the problem is, I think I am starting to like this one guy and I hate it. I really do hate it. I don't want to swoon every time he walks by. I don't want to dress up pretty for him (I like my sweatpants, thank you very much), especially because my school is freezing and I gravitate toward my ugly and warm clothes much more than my cold and pretty ones. And lastly...

I don't want to fall for him. Because I know how much it won't progress. I know that guys don't like me. They just don't. I mean, I really am not that pretty and I can admit it without insecurity. I am not depressed about it, just stating a fact.

Maybe God just doesn't want me to have a boyfriend right now. Maybe He doesn't even want me to get married. I really want to, but...

Life isn't gonna be the way I want it to be. Sometimes, it's the way it has to be. So, Hope, suck it up.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Eh, It's Just Life.

Today I am blogging from the school cafeteria. I'm supposed to go to class in ten minutes, but I was bored (seriously? A day in high school when you can be bored? Amazing!) and felt like blogging.

I guess I csn blog about my surroundings right now.

Well, my friend Makayla was poking around my iPod and switching my songs and such. Some random kids started yelling. Children are starting to go to class. Children are stressed, etc.

So, this is the average morning for a high school student with a less than impressive GPA. Lower than 4.0, higher than 3.0 so far. Freshman year is just stupid.

I lost most of the hair on the left side of my head because I had to build a car using Autodesk Inventor and now that I'm done with the project, I'm pretty darn sure I failed.

Physics and Math are two of my lowest grades right now and Language Arts just won't become an A. Hopefully, it will after my exam.

So this is life. As much as I hate it sometimes, I'm glad I can still live it. If you don't live in the US, basically there was an elementary school shooting in Connecticut last week, killing 27 people. 20 of which were students. It's not my pain, and it's not something I lost sleep about. But it made me remember that my life can be lost at any moment, any minute, any hour.

So, all this to say, live like you're dying. Because in reality, we are.