Saturday, October 20, 2012

They Are Only As Far Away As You Believe

Dreams. Those who have been reading for awhile or know me in person know I am a dreamer. Little by little I am living my dreams. Every once in awhile someone tries to ruin it for me. Every once in awhile I let them. Every once in awhile I'm strong enough to overcome that. But no matter what, I have a dream and I refuse to let it slip out of my hands.

My week was bad. Just bad. These three people have just been getting on my nerves a lot lately, and I'm like, "Oh my gosh." I try to blame it on the Physics (it really screws with your brain). But nope. It's more than that. You think you can trust someone with something you give them in confidence, but someone takes it from them... along with your personal thoughts and secrets. You're trying to confront someone about how irritatingly, stupidly, unacceptably, terribly, unnecessarily rude they are and they snap at you. You're talking to a friend about something and someone looks at you like you're the ugliest person they've ever seen. You get nominated for homecoming court during your first year of high school and some girl gives you a once-over and laughs at you. You're talking about a deep passion of yours and someone insults your guitar playing. You get called a ..... repeatedly by a kid who doesn't know how to shut his mouth. You hear one of your best friends talking behind your back.

So, I have been letting my emotions get in the way of my goals. People keep trying to ruin things for me. I'll put my input into something and it's almost always used against me. I, like all the rest of the world, am misunderstood. The thing is, I am easier to decode than most people. You just have to be willing to get to know me. I don't really keep secrets.

I'm the girl who dreams when she's awake, asleep and all that's in between. The girl who would rather be at gymnastics than a party (but unfortunately can't). The girl whose goals stop at dreams because she doesn't feel encouraged to take it further than that.

Some people tell me to go for it. Some don't want me to. Some tell me not to even try. Pretty much everyone I know knows that I'm pretty much destined to be a writer, whether they know that through me practically being the ninth-grade-unofficial-proofreader for the whole class, being a blogger, writing poetry, or my fiction writing (which very few people have access to). But when it comes to music? "You sing well, but I don't know if you could make a career out of this" or some people don't even think I can do that. I gave up my valedictorian dreams when I found out I had an unforgiving C in math for the quarter. I have truly realized how much I've given up on myself.

A lot of it is fear. I'm doing either a sermon or essay for Fine Arts next year about fear. Fear that I can't do it. Fear that people won't like me. Fear that I'll look stupid. Those are the chains holding me back.

But listen. Your dreams are only as far away as you say they are. If you think you can do it, chances are you can. You need to take those chances. Fear God, not man. And don't doubt yourself. We are all weak, yes, but there is only One who is strong anyway. So chase those dreams. Go wherever God leads you. Pray about it, read the scripture, and soon it will all be clear.

"...And to the ends of the earth."
-Acts 1:8

What is your calling?

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