CHRISTMAS BE MERRY!

Merry Christmas from the Ezell house!

No white Christmas in Ohio, y'all. I stopped wishing for those a long time ago. But, it was still great so far. THIS GIRL got a new guitar!!!! It's an acoustic-electric!

Be jealous! Haha, don't be. But isn't it pretty, my blue baby? She's hard to play because my parents didn't get me a lefty guitar >:(. But whatevs. I'm gonna give this guitar a try.

So, there's not really a use of the whole "don't forget what this holiday is about" talk because I think most of us have heard enough of that. Still, though. Linus has something to say to you.



Last year, I gave you guys a sad song, Christmas Lights. What should the sad song be this year? Should it be sad at all? Hmm...

I'm sorry. I had to do it. I grew up with this song. Now, two songs that aren't as gloomy...

"Do You Hear What I Hear?" by Abandon Kansas

"O Come O Come Emmanuel" by Deas Vail

Well, merry Christmas, everyone and weaves off to you!

Path of Time

Once upon a time I used to care
When we were everything to each other
When you were who I wanted to be.
Somewhere along the path of time we lost it
We were close to each other
When you were a friend to me.
At this time I don't even care and I want you to get out of my life.
Right now. Today.
I still love you, but leaving is what you need.
I do not know you, stranger. Leave. Now.
Why are you still here? I'm done with you. Leave.
Somewhere along the path of time we lost it
And now it's out of control.
I used to care and I don't anymore.
Why are you still here?
LEAVE.

Everybody Lies

Everybody Lies

We do what we have to when we fall in love.
Say what we need to get out when it's not enough.
Whether it's to yourself
Or looking at someone else,

Everybody lies, lies, lies.
It's the only truth sometimes.
It doesn't matter if it's out there somewhere waiting for the world to find
Or buried deep inside.
Everybody lies.

Just being honest, we're playing for both sides.
It's easy to deceive but it's hard when the trust that's broken is mine.
For better or for worse.
For the happy, for the hurt.

Everybody lies, lies, lies.
It's the only truth sometimes.
It doesn't matter if it's out there somewhere waiting for the world to find
Or buried deep inside.
Everybody lies.

Everybody lives and everybody dies.
Yeah.
Oh, it doesn't matter if it's out there somewhere waiting for the world to find or buried deep inside,
Or buried deep inside...

Everybody lies.

Sometimes Be Romantic, Always Realistic.

"Life isn't always romantic. Sometimes, it's realistic."
-Ezra Fitzgerald (Pretty Little Liars)

Like I've mentioned many times before, I love to dream. I also love being logical. Not a good mix, I guess. But it can be.

Being a dreamer and thinking with logic contradicts itself easily. I mean, I believe I can fly, but that defies the laws of gravity. See how weird that is?

I love being a romantic. I dream about everything, especially love. But take a step back into reality. Sometimes, an issue arises when you have to realize that you can't sit around dreaming. Things happen, and you have to understand that life isn't always perfect, but it will never fail to be real.

If there's anything about freshman year that hasn't wasted my time, it's learning. Not about math (not even close), but about myself. I have discovered who I really am. For one, I've discovered that...


Well, I strongly dislike MOST people, anyways. But that's not it.

But I've discovered that my so-called dreaming is ruining my reality, destroying it piece by piece. I expect something, I don't get it, I lecture myself in my mind about how stupid I was. Same cycle over and over.

"I go back and forth and then forth and then back and then round in circles..."
-Anthem Lights

You know, mind of mine, this is starting to get old. Does anyone else feel like me? I can't really describe how I feel. Right now, I feel like a toddler who just doesn't know how to communicate.

"There is so much pain, you know? And I don't know how to not notice it."
-Perks of Being a Wallflower (movie)

Sorry with all these quotes, but by now you should know I'm a little less than professional on this blog. This is the one place I can write and really be... me. Everything else is just a modified version of me and my art. Except for in my journal. But here, I can actually talk to someone, even if that someone happens to be 20 people. It's still someone, and not someone who's gonna try to talk to me about things I'd rather not. This blog runs like a mini version of my mind--- chaotic, off-topic, quirky. And I like that you can see that.

My Language Art and US History teachers would both be poking at my writing right now, thinking this is a horrible post. But this isn't for a grade, and this is me, unedited. No editors checking my work, no revisions. Straight from my mind, every typo, every grammatical error.

And you know, right now, at 11:48 p.m. ET is when I realize what this blog is about. It's about my life, and somehow trying to make sense of it and see if it relates to yours. My Life, and YOURS. It's about all my imperfections, because I know someone else feels the same--- someone has to. I know that I can touch someone with my life, with my thoughts, with my problems. Real life isn't edited, and that's exactly what this blog is. I used to delete my "angry posts," but you might have noticed I don't do that anymore. That rage I was feeling in the moment is nothing to be ashamed of, and might be able to help someone.

And right now, at 12:00 a.m. ET, I realize how much I have strayed away from the original topic. Yup, if this were a school paper, this girl would have an F. Not too surprised, though. I mean, I've pretty much given up on most of what school has to offer. I've tried my hardest and still colleges are gonna have a hard time accepting me. I don't know why school is so hard for me, I don't have any disabilities. I'm just not good at this.

I just forgot what I ate for dinner. Oh, right. Lasagna. Never mind. Carry on.

Back to the topic I left off on, since this post doesn't have a real structure going on. You know, I realized that I can't be good at everything and I gotta accept it. I don't have a 4.0. So... accept it. Some people are flaunty about their grades and make my Bs sound like Fs. So... stop hanging around them. How I over complicate things sometimes.

I am really sorry about how poorly-written this post is. I just really needed to say something. Because if I speak it either no one will hear or I won't have the courage to speak at all. Another thing I must talk about which draws us back in to the original topic...

Romantics. How cute we can be. Well, today I am just, you know, scrolling through Facebook and I see one of my favorite couples (a couple that I actually know in real life). I see a ring on the girl's finger and think to myself, "FINALLY!" I've known the groom-to-be since he was younger than I currently am. I listen to his music. And now he's tying the knot. I'm so proud of both of them. I adore couples like them and his parents, and I can't wait for that to be me, about to get married, "young and dumb and in love."

And that saddens me.

Right now, I'm not sure if that'll ever be me. I don't want to love anyone right now. I don't want to trust anyone right now. And I know I'm only a freshman and people tell me I have a lot of time, but it's hard not to be worried when everyone around you is changing and becoming their own person and you feel like you're falling behind.

I feel like I'm falling behind.

I mean, there have been so many guys I've thought I've loved to the point where I just don't wanna fall for anyone anymore. You may be thinking, "pssh, you're a fourteen-year-old girl. You don't like anyone? Not even One Direction? Don't you have hormones?"

Let me answer those questions. Yes, I do have hormones, but when I do like a guy, it's long term. I can like someone forever, I can love them forever. It's only when I'm hurt when that cycle has to end. When I know it's only hurting me. And no, I actually kinda hate One Direction.

So I guess I'm kinda thankful for being single. I can easily detach myself from something bad without a breakup. But I still feel alone kinda.

And the problem is, I think I am starting to like this one guy and I hate it. I really do hate it. I don't want to swoon every time he walks by. I don't want to dress up pretty for him (I like my sweatpants, thank you very much), especially because my school is freezing and I gravitate toward my ugly and warm clothes much more than my cold and pretty ones. And lastly...

I don't want to fall for him. Because I know how much it won't progress. I know that guys don't like me. They just don't. I mean, I really am not that pretty and I can admit it without insecurity. I am not depressed about it, just stating a fact.

Maybe God just doesn't want me to have a boyfriend right now. Maybe He doesn't even want me to get married. I really want to, but...

Life isn't gonna be the way I want it to be. Sometimes, it's the way it has to be. So, Hope, suck it up.

Eh, It's Just Life.

Today I am blogging from the school cafeteria. I'm supposed to go to class in ten minutes, but I was bored (seriously? A day in high school when you can be bored? Amazing!) and felt like blogging.

I guess I csn blog about my surroundings right now.

Well, my friend Makayla was poking around my iPod and switching my songs and such. Some random kids started yelling. Children are starting to go to class. Children are stressed, etc.

So, this is the average morning for a high school student with a less than impressive GPA. Lower than 4.0, higher than 3.0 so far. Freshman year is just stupid.

I lost most of the hair on the left side of my head because I had to build a car using Autodesk Inventor and now that I'm done with the project, I'm pretty darn sure I failed.

Physics and Math are two of my lowest grades right now and Language Arts just won't become an A. Hopefully, it will after my exam.

So this is life. As much as I hate it sometimes, I'm glad I can still live it. If you don't live in the US, basically there was an elementary school shooting in Connecticut last week, killing 27 people. 20 of which were students. It's not my pain, and it's not something I lost sleep about. But it made me remember that my life can be lost at any moment, any minute, any hour.

So, all this to say, live like you're dying. Because in reality, we are.

Disney Music: What's So Special?

I am a 90s kid and a Disney freak. And I'm not talking "Shake it Up" or "Hannah Montana." I'm talking "Mulan," "The Lion King," "That's So Raven."

But even more than the movies and shows, I'm in love with the music. You may be thinking, "of course you are! All you write about is music!" Well guys, I am trying to control my music obsession. But come on, I'm a fourteen-year-old girl (my birthday was on Thanksgiving this year). It's good enough that I even use proper grammar.

Disney music captivates me. Even more than Deas Vail does. Okay, maybe I went too far with that one. But my point is, Disney music truly catches my attention in every way--- the languages spoken, the symbolism, the exotic instruments, the scenes the songs were played in, the beauty. There's just something about Disney that really makes me feel more emotions than I thought I possibly could.

Here are some Disney songs that really attract me.

"National Treasure Suite" from National Treasure by Trevor Rabin. This song really captures the suspense, mystery, and history of the movie. I can literally see Nicholas Cage walking through Washington, D.C. with the Declaration of Independence in his hand, like a boss (sorry, I hate it when people say "like a boss" because it sounds so stupid, but it sounded appropriate to write it at the moment). Thanks for painting the picture, Trevor.

"He Lives in You" from The Lion King by Lebo M. This is another one that puts me inside of the Pride Lands. I can see that monkey thing waving his binky thing, I can see Mufasa smiling down on Simba, and then there's me sitting in a lonely corner with a box of tissues. I don't know why I find this song so sad. Maybe it's because Mufasa died and it's about him living on through Simba and watching over the Pride Land. It also reminds me of Christianity in itself. Mufasa , aside from the fact that he's the one that died, reminds me of God ("he watches over everything we see") and Simba is like Jesus ("In your reflection, he lives in you"). I really think this song has a deeper meaning than Disney makes it out to be.

"I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan by Donny Osmond. This song is very inspiring. Strong harmonics and all. It teaches me to get up and try again. "You're unsuited for the rage of war, so pakc up, go home, you're through. How could I make a man out of you?" If you've seen this 1998 film, you know what Mulan does next. She proves him wrong. It shows you don't have to be a man to be a hero, be it a war hero or a firefighter.

"Circle of Life" from The Lion King by Carmen Twillie and Lebo M. This song is so pretty. Just pretty and cute. Especially when watching the movie along with it.... baby Simba is just irresistable!

I might do a 2.0 post of this... comment what your favorite Disney song is and why!

EXHILARATION!

Wanna know what band I'm auditioning to join in four years? Check out North Central University's One Accord!

It is official, guys. I have no idea where I'm going after high school. At first it was clear. Graduate from high school, go to Evangel University for four years, get a Master of Writing from New York University. I was gonna be a cheerleader at Evangel, join the worship team, join CROSSwalk, train at Missouri Valley Gymnastics, get involved in music.

But then I heard about North Central's state-of-the-art recording studio. And One Accord lead worship at this year's Ohio Youth Convention. I love cheering and athletics and all, but how can I turn down the opportunity to record an entire album?

And then I remember that I can make music forever. But I won't be able to do a back handspring twenty years from now.

And then I remember that I chose to quit cheerleading, whereas music has been a non-failing passion of mine. Ugh.

This band has not made my decision for college any easier. Thank God I'm a freshman.

Under the direction of Jeff Deyo (the "Moving Mountains" singer-songwriter), here's One Accord!

The lead vocalist, (the main guy talking really) used to go to my church! Pretty cool, right? Hardly any OA songs are on YouTube, and I am not technologically talented enough to make my own videos, but here is "Adonai," written by Evan John and performed by all of One Accord (I think that's Morgan Meade doing the lead vocals)!

Isn't this song so beautiful? This is only one of ten masterpieces.

Wanna know my favorites? I loooooooove the title track, "Exhilaration." It's super catchy. I showed some of my friends who had not gone to Youth Convention this song, and ten seconds in, they're going, "whoa ohhhhh, whoa oh oh oh oh oh ohhhhhhhh..." and the message is not only fun, but energetic and lively. "You put the breath within my lungs. You put a new song on my tongue. Once I was bound by all my shame, now I have freedom in Your name! There's a fire bruning deep in my bones, yeah it's raging, blazing out of control, oh, EXHILARATION! I'm a new creation." Goes right along with my favorite Bible verse, 2 Corinthians 5:17. I don't know if that's coincidence or not.

"The Bride Arising" is another favorite of mine. The harmonics = perfect (see? I told you I cna do math!). This makes me think of the Biblical book Revelation. "I see a church on a new horizon." Why? Because "we are Your bride arising! We are Your church united! We long to worship."

And then, of course, "Adonai." This song, this poetry, this music, THIS.

I've even got David Tennant on my side, guys.

This sounds like something David wrote and played on his harp. Does this not belong in Psalms? I think it does. It's so peaceful and takes me out of the 21st century for five minutes and twenty seconds. "The mountains shake, the hills they run, seas they calm before You, God. The sun stands still, the heavens sing, the cosmos bows before You, God."

The serenity I feel listening to this album is like...



(Sorry, I had to post the puppy.)



Overall, my reaction to this album is...

EXHILARATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!