Sunday, August 11, 2013

How to Flirt With: An Avatard

I decided since I've been blogging about animation lately (I promise, that animated role models post IS coming... I'm just lazy), I decided I would have a flirt post! It's half-serious, I guess.

This post is on ways to flirt with those in the Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra fandoms.

  1. Approach gorgeous guy. DO NOT say hello. Before introducing yourself, BE SURE to say, "Flamio, Hotman!"
  2. Once a conversation with him/her has begun to die down and he/she begins to walk away or talk to someone else, say, "That's a sharp outfit, (insert name). Careful! You could puncture the hull of an empire class fire nation battleship, leaving thousands to drown at sea (put emphasis on "thousands"). Because," point to their shoulder or location of sharpness of outfit, "It's so sharp!" Azula used this pick-up line and is still single. Strange.
  3. It is very important for a potential partner to see you in action, doing something you love.  After winning a game of volleyball or some other sport, set the net on fire and shout, "YES! We have defeated you for all time! You will never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!" Seriously, how is Azula single?
  4. Now, as of breaking up with an Avatard, make sure they're throwing an illegal party. Show up (after you've already been there as a guest... there might be some good food there) unexpectedly in the middle of the night and bring some friends with you. Then say, "We've got some bad news for you. Party's over." And that's when you and your buddies destroy his house. His parents will kill him. BEST break-up EVER.
  5. When showing him/her your fancy ride, be it a bison or a car, just before starting it up, say in a really seductive voice, "Yip... yip."
  6. If he has a tree house, and you happen to see him in it, say, "Nothing's braver than a guy in a treehouse." If he's big enough of an Avatard, he'll know you're referring to Jet.
  7. Right after he/she asks you to be his/her girl/boyfriend, say, "Together, you and I will be the strongest couple in the entire world! WE WILL DOMINATE THE EARTH!" It's beginning to seem clear to me why Azula is single. And here's a note: This works best if you can firebend.
  8. Instead of saying "I love you" or "I think I have a crush on you" or something like that, say, "I don't hate you." If they respond "I don't hate you, too," then give them the engagement ring.
  9. Once you become a couple, call them "Twinkle Toes."
  10. Get your Zuko-impersonating-Azula on and say, "Listen. You can date me or I can do something unspeakably horrible to you and your friends. Your choice." Make sure to pop out your hip, whether you're a guy or girl.
  11. At homecoming or prom, cry, "[insert name here], get over here! I want you to dance with me!"
  12. When he proposes or when you two get married, say, "I guess this means we'll always be together! Always."
  13. If you're feeling bold, go on and kiss the girl. Then proclaim, "Baby, you're my forever girl!" She will marry you.
  14. Whatever and however you do, say the word "Honor". I cannot stress this enough. Avatards love honor. Anything from the musical number in Mulan "Honor to Us All" to cheap puns ("I am so honored to be with you"). 
  15. A way to ask an Avatard out is to say, "I'm thinking maybe we could do an activity together?" Now, for Sokka, that activity ended up being him trying to keep his girl from giving her life to the moon spirit. So, make sure this activity doesn't involve death or guilt.
  16. Sing "Secret Tunnel" for them. It will make them smile. In case you don't know the lyrics: Two lovers forbidden from one another / A war divides their people and a mountain divides them apart / Their dark path to be together / Yeah I forget the next couple lines but then it goes, SECRET TUNNEL / SECRET TUNNEL / THROUGH THE MOUNTAINS / A secret, secret, secret, secret, tunnel! Or, you can sing the line "If you're lost, you can't lose the love because it's in your heart." It made Katara blush and she ain't even white.
  17. If you approach your crush alone, say, "Look at us. You and me. Two alone people." Funny, Bolin is single, too.
  18. Ride a dragon into battle and then jump into a volcano. Maybe I shouldn't take advice from Jinora. You'll literally need ice for that burn.
  19. You could always escape to a dangerous forest after trying to find your ex boo thang (or, according to "The Search," full-on thang). You'll probably become a spirit but Jinora would find it romantic.
  20. Give her flowers. Make sure you don't walk in on her kissing your brother. Hashtag, awkward.
  21. Eskimo kisses are always cute. Or, should I say, ESKAmo kisses?
  22. Your reasoning for dating her? "She's strong; I'm strong. She's fun; I'm fun. She's beautiful; I'm gorgeous!"
  23. After a mutual break-up, or a relationship that ends on good terms, smile at them and say, "Stay flamin'". You might be crying but it will lighten the mood.
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how to flirt, date, and break up with an Avatard. Also, we like fire flakes. Lots of fire flakes.

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