Friday, May 24, 2013

Because I Knew You...

If you are a Broadway fan, your mind probably sang, "I have been changed for good."
In this song, a few lines really stand out to me.

"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn 
And we are led to those who help us most to grow 
If we let them 
And we help them in return. 
Well I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you.
Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.
So much of me is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end,
I know you have re-written mine by being my friend.
I do believe I have been changed for the better
And because I knew you,
Because I knew you,
Because I knew you,
I have been changed
For good."

Okay, so when I said a "few" lines I basically meant the majority of the song. I'm in a really kinda depressed mood right now.

So, it is nearing the end of May, and what does that mean? GRADUATION! At my school, our first graduating class already had their last day. This year, and even last year, and next year are very life-changing graduation-party seasons for me.

Last year, my oldest sister graduated high school. It was so weird. She didn't exactly leave, so it didn't have as big of an effect on me, but it was like... she's growing up. It was also a year of change for me--- I had just become a teenager in late 2011 and I was entering high school that next year. It made me think, four years and this is me!

This year, some of my friends are graduating and next year my other sister will be. And it has me thinking about how they have impacted my life. Graduation isn't a far-off thought anymore. And each year, I draw closer to my own, which is pretty scary. I am basically a sophomore in high school now. Along with this, there comes changes.

People come into our lives for a reason, right? It seems like I learn more from them every day. Some have helped me learn patience. Some have helped me gain confidence. Some have helped me grow in my faith. Some have helped me learn that I need to just stop and let God take control. Some have helped me learn to be grateful. Some of these people have hurt me, or I've even hurt them, but something positive has always been learned. I would like to take some time to talk about experiences and what I have learned.

  • I have learned that I do not need to change anything about myself to please others. I may or may not have mentioned this (probably not... I hadn't really thought about this until recently), but back when I was still fairly new to Ohio, I was a really shy little kid. Geeky, too. I was obsessed with getting good grades in science, crazy good at math, and all I wanted to do was read in my spare time. You know... one of those kids that just WOULD NOT accept a B. Or even an A minus. Times have changed, from 4.0 to 3.25. But anyways. Back to the point. I'm sorry, but by now you should know I am not one to be on-topic 100% of the time. So basically a little boy laughed at me and told me I sounded like a boy when I was just trying to be like the other kids and play with them. I went back to my shell and when I came out of it, I literally worked on expanding my vocal range so I would speak in a higher pitch so that no one would say that to me again. Now, I naturally speak in that voice, and only with people I'm comfortable with can I speak with my real one. I don't know why I felt the need to change myself because of him, but I will never do that again for anyone. 
  • I have learned that when I take matters into my own hands... crap happens. Especially when it comes to dating and guys and... ugh. When I was little I actually kissed a guy, the first one I liked, and it ended BADLY. And then the last guy... well... he was actually a keeper if you ask me. He hasn't dated anyone, doesn't want to date anyone, and will not until after high school. He is also a Christian and takes pride in it (did I mention, about to become an Eagle Scout?). I was like, "Oh my gosh. It's him. I just know it (this was before I knew about his not being into anyone thing). God, let me know if this is Your will and if not then I don't really wanna know but just let me know even though I probably won't listen to You." That's me for you. That's actually every major prayer I've prayed right there. The typical, "Hey, God. Um... You've done so much for me and I feel bad that I usually only pray to You when I want something and I really am trying to get closer to You but... alright, here's what I want." Or, there's my let's-put-in-some-effort prayer. "God, I don't know where to go from here. I need You to take this matter into Your hands. And when I say that, I mean... you have 75% of my issue but I need control of the remaining 25%." God is probably like, "Okay. This is not a business deal. Unless you offer all of yourself to Me, how do you expect Me to work wonders in your life? When will you realize that I can handle this? This isn't a group project. Hand it completely over to Me. Notice, every time you try to handle it something goes wrong?" And I think He wants me to stay single and proud for awhile. But did I listen? No! And that's my problem. Control. Which other peoples' actions are confirmation that I should've listened, like a voice in my head saying, "I told you so!"
  • I have learned that I have absolutely no patience whatsoever. I don't like people. Very much. I tend to be introverted, always keeping a lot to myself. But that's the thing about life--- people tend to be in it. And you have to learn to tolerate them, faults and all. I have learned that there is always something to like about everyone.
  • My friends stand with me and have helped me gain confidence. If you know me in real life, then you know I am famous for the following sayings: "I'm gonna drop out of high school!" "I'll fail at life." "I will NEVER bring honor to my family!" "Guys don't like me because I'm dumb and ugly and blah blah blah." People have been like, "Girl. Get yourself some confidence." Some people have actually helped me improve it rather than tell me I need it.
  • I have learned to be thankful. I never realized how lucky I am. I know people who can't stand being at home. Who have parents who are divorced/separated. Who have bad grades. Who have no friends outside school. Who have been bullied. Who cut themselves. Who have been in bad relationships. And me? I have a loving family, consisting of my mom and dad who are both crazy in love (and my girls), I have good grades (at my lunch table today, a girl was like, "I'm only failing two classes." When I said I wasn't failing any, I was told to shut up), and I have both a Disney Ohana and a church family. I truly am blessed. I learned from a friend a few days ago not to complain about something that may disappoint me (a B in Physics that ended up being a mistake... now it's a 100%) because it can bother others.
Of all this, what have I learned? These people I may never see again after graduation in three years. They have shown me so much and because I know them, I can say I have been changed for the better. It is important that they know that, so I will make sure I tell them. Sometimes I wonder, what if something happened different in my life? Do you ever think that?

If my family decided to move to Cleveland instead of where we are. If my parents kept me in homeschooling. If we had picked a different church. If I had never gotten a Tumblr account. All these people I would have never met that have helped me by being my friends, or even not friends.

This post goes out to those I meet in life. We'll laugh, cry, and enjoy it until the last day. And remember: Nothing is forever. It'll all come to an end, but how do you know if it was worth it? I'll tell you how I know.

"I know I'm who I am today because I knew you."

-"For Good" from the Broadway musical Wicked

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